The Onion (Features Contributor)

Americans Explain Why They Support The Death Penalty
Signs You’re Experiencing Parental Burnout
Things No One Tells You About Moving Back To Your Hometown
Quiz: Is It Trash Or Recycling?
Red Flags That Mean It’s Time Ditch Your Doctor
What To Say If You Want To Dump Your Therapist
Tax Loopholes The IRS Doesn’t Want You To Know About
Companies That Have Stopped Operating In Russia Over The Ukraine Invasion

McSweeney’s

I’m Frodo Baggins And I Think Destroying The One Ring Wouldn’t Be Fair To Those It Already Ruined

Hard Drive

Children’s Cartoon Not Reaching Intended Audience of Queer Twenty-Somethings
Alchemist Opened Shop to Sell Potions, Not Gossip

Weekly Humorist

Interview with a Cicada from Brood X
A Manly Holiday Gift Guide of Manly Gifts for the Manly Men in Your Life
10 Lyfehacks Thou Needest Immediately In This Yeare Of Our Lorde, Thirteen Hundred And Forty Seven
What I Think An MFA Is
Seeking Entry Level Sidekick For Prominent Superhero

Points in Case

My Deepest Apologies to the Staff I Terrorized at Frightwood Haunted House
List: Last Minute Recipe Pitches from My First and Last Day on Our Food Site's Social Video Team
List: An Introduction to the Major Laws of Freelancer Physics
List: How To Break In Your New Hiking Boots
List: Life-Threatening Situations To Mark Yourself “Safe” On Facebook
List: Honest Headlines for the Unread Articles in My Browser Tabs
Queer Blockbuster Movies Coming Out In 2019

Awf Magazine

Brave! This Gay Guy's Halloween Costume Not 'Camp,' Just Hideous
These Five Pride Floats Will Make You Scream ‘Shareholder Dividends!’
Report: Top Typing
Amazon Announces ‘Queer Eye’ Knockoff: A 10-Hour Video Of Cher Blinking
This Virtual Orgy Was Ruined When The Top’s Computer Crashed
An Unreciprocated Oral History Of Boston’s Straight Pride Parade

Widget

First Day Of School At Elon Musk’s Martian Colony

Little Old Lady Comedy

Sample ACT Questions For Students In The “Privileged” Program

The Billfold

How I Paid Off My Demonic Debt In Just Seven Years

Robot Butt

I Can No Longer Contain The Family Secret Haunting Our Solstice Festival
An Open Letter to the Robots That Will Eventually Replace Me